Perspective

Yesterday was (unnecessarily) the hardest day of my life in a long time.  I'm pretty sure I cried for a good hour, and over nothing really, if you think about it.  

  

So....

I applied to a certain summer job a month ago, and was fairly (but not overly) confident that I would get the job.  I started mentally planning my summer and fall plans around this job and getting pretty excited.  And then yesterday I got the news that I didn't get the job, and my plans went out the window.  The worst part is that two of my great friends did get the job and are so excited about it.  Filled to the brim with self-pity, I decided I was going to sulk about this let-down for approximately 36 days, until  the end of the semester (when I would presumably stop hearing about others' excitement for the summer job I didn't get).  

And then... 

Today while walking to campus, I had a realization.  All along, while waiting to find out whether I got the job or not, I'd been praying to get the job if that was God's will for my summer, or in other words: whatever happened would be what's best and I was going to be okay with it.  I also had been praying for comfort to be able to accept whatever decision the employers made.  When I hadn't heard from the employers in quite some time, I started praying to just get an answer, whatever it might be, so that I could start making some concrete summer/fall plans for my life. But, when an answer finally came, I chose to be ridiculously unhappy about it.  It hit me, that although they weren't answered in a way I liked or had hoped, my prayers were answered! And isn't knowing that your prayers have been answered just a blessing in and of itself? I also remembered that I had told God I would accept whatever answer he decided to give me, and that in choosing to be such a Debbie Downer I was in essence, not keeping my promise to God. 

That's why...

 I've decided to be happy and move forward with an attitude of gratitude.  Obviously, Heavenly Father has something else in store for the next few months of my life.  I may not understand or be able to see what that is right now, but I can move forward trusting that it will something that blesses my life.  I'm thankful that I was able to receive an answer to my prayers, and that I have an opportunity to make new plans and experience different things.  Being a Negative Nancy would be counterproductive.  I can't change the circumstances of my life, but I can certainly change my attitude.  The other day my roommate and I were talking about our upcoming busy lives with finals and end-of-semester-projects on the horizon, and she said something to me that was quite profound. She said, "No matter what, you're gonna make it.  The difference is whether or not you'll enjoy making it."  Spoken like a poet.  Mary Engelbreit said, "If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." So true.  There are some things in life that we just have no control over.  In fact, much of life is that way.  But happiness is all a matter of perspective.  You can be happy or sad, it's the same amount of work.  If you could have a mushroom or a milkshake for the same cost (nutritional qualms aside), which would you rather have? Right.  So, I'm deciding right now to choose the milkshake.  I'm not going to be bitter because my friends are eating chocolate milkshakes this summer, and I'm eating strawberry.  I'm going to be happy for them. And hey, we can share, and tell each other about our different adventures.  

I feel like I often forget these little sayings that I learned when I was younger, and when I remember them it's like, "No duh. Of course that makes sense!"  One of those sayings which I think applies perfectly to my life right now is, "When one door closes, another door opens." Now, it's just a matter of moving forward through the doorway.