Loud Speakers

Whatever happened to those things? And why don't we have any at BYU?

Remember hearing messages over the loud speakers in elementary and high school? At my high school there was a kid whose name was Michael Scott (no joke) and he must have been a ruffian or something because he got paged to the dean's office a lot.  And every time I heard "Michael Scott, please come to the office" I never failed to burst out into laughter. 

The thing about loud speakers though, is knowing how to use them.  Some people seem to think that when they're making an announcement they need to be extra loud so everyone can hear.  (I guess they forget that that's what the loud speaker is for.)  The problems with this philosophy are many.  First of all, people start to dread the sound of your voice coming on the intercom because your voice comes  through the speaker so loudly that people downtown can hear you.  Closely tied to this first problem is the second problem: temporary hearing loss with potential for permanent damage.  Third, and probably most important, the speakers aren't made for such loud sounds to come through them, so your messages often come out garbled and unintelligible.  Sometimes, the problem isn't volume.  It could be because they're nervous, have a thick foreign accent, or generally speak fast, but some people just don't get that when using a P.A. system you should slow down and enunciate.  Whether you're a loud speaker loud mouth, or a message mumbler, just know that if you don't change your ways three things could happen:

1. Your loud speaker messages will become so unclear that mass confusion and chaos will break out.
2. Your announcements will be hilarisouly misconstrued and cause joy to many souls.
3. You will simply become an intercom irritant and lose all hopes for ever succeeding in life.

If you're lucky, only option 2 will be the case and you could even be the inspiration for some random girl's blog post one day. 


Misheard airport intercom messages from real life

Intended message: Doug Sanditch? I need a Doug Sanditch at the ticket counter.
What I heard: Club sandwich! I need a club sandwich at the ticket counter!

Intended message: Sherry Cook.  I also need Sherry Cook at the ticket counter.
What I heard: Cherry coke. I also need a cherry coke.

Intended message: I need to see a Doug Sanditch and Sherry Cook immediately.
What I heard: I need to see a club sandwich and cherry coke immediately. 
 ( By this point I knew what they were really saying, but it still made me laugh)

 Intended message: Paging Jack Chan. Jack Chan please meet your party out front.
What I heard: Paging Jackie Chan. Jackie Chan...

Seriously people.  E-nun-ci-ate.  Or maybe it's intentional.  Maybe airport workers have a secret intercom code that they use to order their lunches.